


Sweet Like Toffee

by ncitykillsme



Series: nct ships as one shots that are all intertwined [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drabble, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay, Kissing, M/M, nomin, power outage?, we are grass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 16:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14429820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncitykillsme/pseuds/ncitykillsme
Summary: Jeno knows he's in love with Jaemin but it doesn't feel like it's reciprocated ,,, or is it





	Sweet Like Toffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nctzens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctzens/gifts).



Jeno held his breath as Jaemin hooked his fingers into the back of Jeno’s jeans. _Shit._ And it was a V-Live again. Last time Jaemin had twined their hands gers together Jeno forgot all about the Live, it took just one second for Jaemin to fry his brain. But he had to calm down otherwise he was going to do something stupid and he would see the screenshots all over their SNS. Not to mention, Renjun and Hyuck would barely let him live it down - like the time Jaemin pecked him on the cheek before the Live ended. Hyuck liked to remind Jeno of his reaction every now and then, especially in their group chat. Renjun had made one with just Hyuck and Jeno. No Jisung, because that boy had no filter, so by default no Chenle either, _that_ boy trust Jisung way too much. And no Mark either because as much as Jeno loved him, he would just try to help which in actual fact would probably end up doing the complete opposite.  But he had a feeling Hyuck showed everything to Mark anyway.

 

It took Jeno a moment to realise he had actually wrapped his arm around Jaemin’s shoulders and was, quite literally, staring at Jaemin’s face. _SHIT._ He was about to pull away when he watched Nana’s lips twitch before turning to face him. It took everything in Jeno to not blush but it wasn’t enough. He watched Jaemin’s eyes moved down his face to his lips. _Ah...s h i t._ Jeno tried to hide him smile, he knew it didn’t work because Jaemin’s grin grew bigger and Jeno turned away, still smiling. He could feel Jaemin’s eyes still on him and so he pushed his neck as far away as he could. Hyuck raised an eyebrow at him and he spun his head back to Jaemin who, much to Jeno’s dismay, was already looking away. He was 100% sure everything he felt was visible on his face because Hyuck gave him a supportive pat on the back. He managed to get through the Live without doing anything else that stupid. But as soon as the camera was gone he was out the door with not so much as even a goodbye to anyone. But as he was bolting past he heard Jaemin ask Renjun something along the lines of “what’s wrong with him?”

 

“Booyyy.” Jeno jogged to the bathroom. “If only you knew.”

He was in the middle of splashing water on his face when he heard Hyuck calling his name. He just couldn’t escape.

“What the fuck bro?” Hyuck shut the door behind him and locked it. “You literally ran away.”

“And?”

“ _And? AND?”_ Hyuck leant against the door, arms crossed. “So are we just going to pretend you didn’t jiz-”

“Shut up.” Jeno grabbed a paper towel and pat his face.

“You need to do something about this.”

Jeno looked up. He was sure Hyuck didn’t mean it in that way but it sure as Hell sounded like his feelings were an annoying problem that was pissing everyone off. Not in the mood to talk to anyone, he walked up to Hyuck.

“Yeah. I know.” He reached for the door handle and Hyuck moved aside, arms falling to his sides. “Sorry.” He walked out and left Hyuck feeling slightly guilty.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jeno was tucked into bed, his head just barely visible over the blanket. He was about to doze off to sleep when Renjun walked into their room and crawled into the bottom bunk.

“So…” Renjun trailed off and Jeno closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. “Want to talk about it?” Jeno didn’t reply and he heard Renjun get out of bed and climb up the ladder. “I know you’re not sleeping.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“So you’re not thinking about Nana gazing into your eyes before you ran off leaving ME to explain you were sick or some bullshit.” Renjun pushed Jeno’s legs aside and sat at the corner or the bed as Jeno sat up. “Which absolutely did _not_ work by the way.” Jeno still didn’t say anything and Renjun just raised an eyebrow. “I don’t get why you don’t just tell hi-”

“Tell him what exactly?” Jeno looked down at his lap. “Hey Jaemin everytime you touch me I feel like I’m going to explode. That’s a great dinner table conversation.”

“Firstly, ooh you _Jaemin_ ed him. Secondly, we don’t even eat at a table. Thirdly,” Renjun kicked Jeno softly. “Why can’t you?”

 

Jeno’s eyes deadpanned at Renjun. With his mouth slightly ajar he brought his hands in front of him as if it express his frustration.

“You’re kidding right?” Jeno looked at Renjun who didn’t falter. “He’s...he’s…” Jeno searched for the right word.

“He’s?” Renjun waited but Jeno was still searching. “If you’re going to say he doesn’t feel the same maybe you should actually ask-”

“NA JAEMIN IS THE STRAIGHTEST GUY I KNOW.”

It was silent for a split second before Renjun burst into laughter. There were so many things he wanted to say to Jeno but he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He laughed till his stomach hurt. _Damn this boy is stupid._

“You…” Renjun took in a deep breath. “You think Nana is _straight_.” He bit his lip to stifle his laughter. Jeno was silent again and Renjun was one second away from whipping some sense into him when he spoke.

“No.”

“Seriously. Have you seen the way he grabs all of our arms and clings off us. He literally has his arms around me all the fucking time and don’t even get me started on Chenle. They-”

“Exactly.” Jeno’s voice was small. He was too embarrassed to meet Renjun’s eyes. That’s when everything started to fall into place for Renjun.

 

“OH MY FUCKING GOD LEE JE NO ARE YOU FUCKING JEALOUS?” Renjun started laughing again and Jeno threw a pillow at his head.

“SHUT UP!”

It took a few minutes for Renjun to calm down again. To Jeno it felt like hours.

“You’ve been all shitty because you’re jealous?”  

“Shut up.”

“Oh my god.” Renjun wiped the tears away from laughing. “I didn’t think it was possible but this is worse than Mark and Hyuckie.”

“What does that even mean?”

“How is he supposed to know you’re jealous if you don’t tell him.” Renjun had a point but Jeno would never admit to that.

“I have.” Jeno looked down again. “In my dreams.”

 

Silence filled the room again. Renjun was trying really hard not to laugh but when Jeno twiddled his fingers he lost all control. He looked so innocent and it was insane as to how oblivious the guy was. Renjun clutched his stomach in pain as he leant back to breathe and Jeno balled his fists.

“SHUT UP!”

 

Jeno couldn’t believe he just said that out loud. Sure, he and Renjun had grown considerably close after they began sharing a room. It took Jeno a while to open up to Renjun about anything from how he felt about his dancing to how he felt about members. He was only ever this close to Jaemin but that was before he had to take time off. It was then he began to realise how much he cared about Jaemin. Sure, he and Renjun had a lot of skinship and it wasn’t a big deal but he noticed it was different to how he felt with Nana. Renjun made him feel safe, comfortable, like an older brother would. But Jaemin scrambled all the thoughts in his brain, made his knees weak sometimes. And it was fine at first, the constant hugging, the hand holding, and even the sneaky little kisses Nana planted on his cheek. But...when he realised how much his heart clenched everytime Nana wrapped his arms around Chenle, Haechan or even Renjun, things had been different. Things had become difficult. And looking at Renjun wheezing with laughter about how he felt made him kind of mad. And he wasn’t the type to get angry often - unless it was Nana related.

 

“Can you guys shut up?” Jisung’s voice cut through Renjun’s laughter like a sword made of ice. Their maknae had thrown the door open with such force that Jeno was sure the doorknob had dented the wall.

“Wow is that any way to treat your hyung?” Renjun recollected himself.

“Well maybe if you actually like a hyung I would.” Jisung crossed his arms and glared at Renjun before glancing over at Jeno. “Are you okay? Hyuck was worried about you.”

“Me too.” A painfully familiar face popped up behind Jisung and it took everything in Jeno to not hide under the blanket.

“He’s good.” Renjun answered for him and Jeno forgave him a little for laughing.

“Good then shut up.” Jisung turned around and walked away but Jaemin stayed in the doorway. He looked genuinely concerned and Jeno was close to jumping off the bed and running into his arms.

“Look at you guys having fun without me.” Jaemin grabbed the pillow that Jeno had thrown at Renjun’s head off the floor.

“I mean, you can join us.” Renjun glanced at Jeno before giving a quick wink. “If you don’t mind third-wheeling that is.” Jeno’s mouth fell open in exasperation. He didn’t dare to look at Jaemin but Renjun’s eyes were focused on Jaemin. He raised an eyebrow at him, as if it were a challenge but Jaemin looked a bit taken aback. He stuttered as he dropped the pillow and shuffled back towards the doorway. “Shut the door on your way out thanks.” Renjun sounded playful but both Jaemin and Jeno knew he was not joking, not even in the slightest. Jaemin stopped at the doorway, arms holding onto the frame and doorknob. He seemed to be thinking about something and Renjun couldn’t place what but when he turned around and grinned Renjun knew he’d pissed him off.

“Have fun and goodnight.” Jaemin’s grin grew wider but almost faltered when he met Jeno’s eyes.

“Oh we will.” Renjun winked at Jaemin as he shut the door.

 

The room was silent again.

“What the fuck was that?” Jeno’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“Guess you’re not the only one who gets jealous.” That was all Renjun said as he climbed back down to his bunk. They didn’t say goodnight to each other, nor did either of them make a move to turn off the little night-light stuck on the wall between them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next day was hectic. They had just been to a small conference about their comeback and honestly, Jeno had absolutely no idea what happened through most of it. He kept zoning out the moment Jaemin smiled. Though he did throw hearts every now and then, he was blessed to have Renjun and Hyuckie grab his arm or squeeze his thigh when a question was directed right at him. Thinking back now, he couldn’t even remember what he said. His manager hadn’t got mad at him so he guessed whatever he said wasn’t too bad. But he was 100% sure he was going to get beat up for running away from the dressing room and finding a corner outside that was hidden from everyone. It was calming, listening to the wind howling as the sun began to slowly set.

 

He was seated on a step made of cement when the door was thrown open. He was half expecting Renjun or his manager when a feminine voice called out his name. Jeno must have looked shocked because the stylist, Yuna, laughed at him as she shut the door behind her.

“Don’t worry I won’t drag you back in.” She placed two bags of makeup and brushes beside him. Jeno didn’t speak for the entire time she touched up his makeup. He wasn’t performing so the makeup was minimal and he barely needed any touch ups. She was applying something on his cheeks when she spoke again.

 

“What’s wrong?” She put the brush down and looked at his face from different angles. “You’re not usually this quiet.”

If he was being completely honest. It wasn’t really Jaemin that had him feeling so shit. Granted, he was part of the problem. But as they were making their way back to the dressing room he had dropped his bracelet and when he bent down to pick it up the boys kept walking without him. He was sure the camera men behind him didn’t mean for him to hear it but when they said ‘that Jeno kid doesn’t really much by himself huh?’ It hurt.  

“It’s nothing.”

“Aw come on.” Yuna handed him a tube of lip balm and put her hands on her hip. “Even Sejunnie is a better liar than you.”

Jeno applied the balm and rubbed his lips together. Sejun was Yuna’s four-year-old son and even though he was only four he was quite mischievous.

“Do you think,” Jeno looked at Yuna before quickly looking away. “Nevermind.”

“Hey now. We have a rule, you have to finish what you were saying.”

Jeno sighed and bit his lip. Yuna had been apart of the stylist crew for as long as he could remember and she had even worked with the NCT U hyungs and NCT 127. And although she was a SM employee, he had caught her shit talking SM a couple of times so he doubted she was a snake. But still...

 

“Do you think I don’t really,” Jeno searched for a word. “Shine as bright by myself.” He looked up to find her look upset and, if he was placing it right, slightly disappointed. She didn’t say anything at first but just sighed and it made Jeno’s heart skip a beat. Maybe what the camera-men said was true. He wasn’t the funniest nor was he the handsomest. And in terms of talent, mark was rungs above him and even Jisung was amazing. He loved dancing, it was all he had for a while, but compared to the rest of Dream? His dancing was nothing.

“Do you really think that if you didn’t stand out, Soo-Man would have let you debut?” Yuna started packing her makeup kit and Jeno watched her. She sometimes felt like an older sister.

“No I-”

“Honestly.” Yuna finished packing. “You shine bright by yourself, you’re a star Jeno.” She grabbed her two bags and headed for the door. “But of course, you shine brightest when you’re with Dream.” She opened the door and disappeared, but not before throwing her head back and saying. “And especially when you’re with Jaemin.” Jeno watched the door shut slowly behind her.  

She was right. He could feel it when he performed with them. Not just dream but the other hyungs too; he felt empowered. He was stronger, more powerful and just happier. And having Jaemin share the stage with him, he felt so content. Happy. Happier than he’d felt in a long time. Happiest he’d felt in his entire life.

Maybe it was time he told Jaemin how he felt instead of just holding hands and sending him longing glances.

Yeah.

He was going to do it.

Today.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He regret his decision as soon as he walked on stage. His manager was probably going to kill him but _did he care?_ Yes, yes he did. They had designated seats and Nana had sat on the other end of the row from him for the first half. So as they waited in line Jeno slowly sneaked up to the front right before they were suppose to walk out, grabbed Nana’s hand, and dragged him to the middle. He was surprised when Renjun gave give a thumbs up and dragged Chenle and Jisung to the other seats. No one looked over confused so he guessed that was a good thing, well apart from Nana.

 

Nana didn’t speak much at first but after Renjun constantly aimed questions and him and Jeno, he loosened up a bit. To be fair, Jeno didn’t blame him. They weren’t on the best of terms and he’d just forced Nana to sit beside him. Nana was stuttering while answering a question about how it felt to be back with the members when Jeno placed a hand on his thigh. Nana fell froze for a second before grinning and wrapping an arm around Jeno.

“We’re like family.” Nana turned his head to Jeno but he kept his eyes forward. He couldn’t afford to melt in public. But also, _family?_ He was going to ignore that for now or else he’d overthink and it would all go to shits again. “I don’t feel left behind but...I did miss them.” Nana whispered the last bit into Jeno’s ear. _Shit._ He was so close to sighing when Hyuck smacking his leg.

“Could you repeat the last bit?” A reporter shouted at them and Nana gave a lopsided grin.

“I’ll try my hardest to not fall behind.” Nana used his free hand to do a hwaiting gesture and Jeno copied him, smiling with his eyes. He knew the fans loved that. Though he really was smiling, it was just that no one apart from Nana knew why.

 

The aftermath of that event affected Jeno a lot more than he thought it would. The word ‘family’ had stuck in his head for the rest of the interview and until they got on their bus. He was about to doze off in the back when Nana crawled over to him. He was carrying a popper of chocolate milk in one hand and a bag of Crown’s sweet and sour candy in the other.

“Hungry?” Nana sat beside him and put the straw into the popper before holding it out to him. Jeno had no intention to move, he was comfortably rolled in his blanket and ready for sleep to wash over him and take him into a dark oblivion. But Nana had other ideas. Smiling softly, he brought the straw to Jeno’s lips. “You’re like a baby.” Jeno glowered before placing the straw between his lips. He wasn’t hungry but chocolate milk was his favourite. “So soft.” Jeno scowled but continued drinking while Jaemin hid his giggle. _He’s so cute._ Jeno finished the drink. _Fuck_.

 

“Open.” Nana unwrapped a lolly and held it in front of Jeno’s nose. Quietly, Jeno complied, earning him another giggle from Nana. Jeno couldn’t help but admit how adorable his laughter was. He wanted to record it and have it as his ringtone. If that wasn’t the epitome of creepy he didn’t know what was.

“I don’t want anymore.” Jeno was about to snuggle further into the blanket when Nana slipped under it too.

“I meant it you know?” Nana found Jeno’s hand and began playing with his fingers. “I missed you.”

Jeno could feel his heart about to burst out of his chest. If the other Dreamies weren’t in the bus he would have jumped out of the blanket and kissed Nana right then and there.

“We missed you too.” Jeno focused on his breathing.

“ _We_ …” Nana entwined their fingers and brought his face into the crook of Nana’s neck. Jeno could feel his breath warm on his skin. He swore he felt Nana’s lips brush against him before rest his head on Jeno’s shoulder. He looked down to watch Nana’s eyes flutter to a close. He had such long curly lashes. _Fuck_.

 

He hadn’t realised how quiet the bus had gotten until he noticed Hyuck and Renjun staring at them. Mark too. In fact the moment they locked eyes, Mark began whispering profusely into Hyuck’s ear but the younger boy just waggled his eyebrows at Jeno before grabbing Mark’s shoulders and facing the front. Renjun raised an eyebrow at Jeno. He felt warmth creep into his cheeks but Renjun just gave him a knowing smile before turning around. He didn’t know what that smile meant but he’d gone out promising himself to tell Nana how he’d felt, and he’d failed.

_Tonight._

He was going to do it tonight.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He wasn’t going to do it tonight.

 

Due to an odd twist of events, Jeno was alone in the dorms. Now Jeno was usually fine with that but the night light had broken and it was completely dark, blindingly so. He struggled to reach for his phone from the little shelf above his head. He ducked back under the blanket and texted Renjun to come home.

 

J U N N I E

HELP

ITS DARK

THE LIGHTS BROKEN

IM GONNA CRY

DONT U FUCKING DARE TELL HYUCK

I HAVE 3% WTF

SA V E ME JUNNIE

 

He wished he was joking in the texts but his fear of the dark had grown considerably over the past few months. Even with the night light, he found it difficult to sleep. He hated himself for it.

 

~ ~ JAEMINS POV WOO ~ ~

 

Jaemin was on his way to the convenience store across the SM building when he got a call from Renjun. He was still in practice when Jeno had texted him. Apparently something had happened to him but Renjun wouldn’t say what. All he said was Jeno was alone and in the dark and panicking. But that was enough for him to drop everything in his hands and run to their dorms.

 

Jeno had a fear of the dark, Jaemin remembered that. When they shared a room together, Jaemin would make sure Jeno fell asleep first. He used to stay beside Jeno and massage his head until he fell into a deep sleep before Jaemin left for his own bed. Sometimes he’d want to lay there and sleep with Jeno, sometimes he did. But he remembered how bad it would be. Jeno never told him why he’d developed this fear but, if Jaemin went for a late night shower he’d come back to their room fully lit. Or if the power went out, Jeno would find it hard to breathe and Jaemin had to hold him in his arms to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone. He remembered his manager asking him if it was a stressful and that if he was okay with it. He couldn’t disagree more. He was always the one that Jeno had relied upon and that made him feel so happy. Though lately he was clinging off Renjun and if he was being honest with himself, it pissed him off much more than he cared to admit.

 

It pissed him off when Jeno looked at Renjun with those sparkling eyes. It pissed him off when Jeno wrapped his arms around Renjun and Junnie hugged him back. Or when he would tackle Hyuck and the older boy would tackle him back. Or when Chenle rubbed his head against Jeno’s hands as if wanting to be pat. Or when Jisung Goddam Pwark was ever so slightly savage to Jeno but it would make him laugh anyway. But especially when he used ‘we’ instead of ‘I.’

“Fucking _idiot.”_

 

He was still caught in a whirlwind of his thoughts when he reached the elevator. There was a sign stuck to the door and in big red block letters OUT OF ORDER. _Fuck_. He turned to his right and headed for the stairs. He didn’t care if they were 10 floors up, he was going to sprint up all of them.

 

And he did, sprint the entire 10 flights of stairs that is. It was about when he reached floor 5, however, that the lights began flickering. And if that wasn’t a sign of impending doom he didn’t know what could make it worse. But when he got to their door, he not only couldn’t feel his legs by the time he reached their front door, but he couldn’t see anything. The power went out. Of course it wouldn’t be as easy as turning on the lights, it felt like the entire universe was working against him.

Jaemin threw the door open and didn’t bother to close it behind him. He froze once he was inside. It was completely black. Not a single light was turned on. He was surprised that their dorm could even look this dark. Habitually, he reached for the light switch until he realised there was no point.

 

He flipped out his phone and turned on his torch. Thank god he had 5% left.

“Jeno?” He barely managed to find the door to Jeno’s room. “Jeno?” He flashed the light around the room. It was empty. “What the fuck.” Was this a stupid prank? He was going to kill Renjun and Hyuck once he-

“Junnie?”

If the house wasn’t pin-drop-silent Jaemin doubted he would have been able to hear that.

“Jeno?” He called out again into the empty house.

“Ju-...nnie…” Jeno’s voice was raspy and breaking. Jaemin clenched his jaw and flashed his torch around the living room. It was wrong to feel pissed off or jealous in this situation but he couldn’t help it.

“Wrong.” He could have sworn Jeno’s voice came from here but it was empty apart from the pile of clothes in the far corner. He was about to head for the kitchen when the pile of clothes moved.

“Hyuck-...ie?” Jeno’s voice was barely above a whisper and Jaemin could almost feel the dryness of his throat.

“Guess again.” Jaemin turned off his torch and made his way to the pile of clothes which actually turned out to be Jeno’s blanket with horses all over it.

 

~~ we back to Jeno folks ~~

 

Jeno had stumbled into the living room in a desperate attempt to find his phone charger. He’s made quite a few bad decisions in his life but this was by far the worst. The living room was darker, if that was even possible. It felt like he had fallen into a black hole. He didn’t know what he stepped on but he found himself on the ground and crawling. It only occured to Jeno once he was halfway across the living room that there was no point in getting his charger. He found it hard to believe that the boys would turn off every single light in the dorm, the building losing power was the only logical explanation. Which also meant, that getting his charger was more pointless than him texting Renjun to come for help.

 

_Shit._

 

Jeno closed his eyes and wrapped the the blanket around himself before shuffling to the corner of the room. It always started off as a cloud floating in the back of his head before growing into a looming thunderstorm ready to strike at any moment. He could feel a stone in the pit of his stomach, he could feel it grow into a boulder. The only way to try and stop the storm was to take deep breaths but Jeno’s throat was drier than the Sahara Desert. He wanted to call for help but it was like a python had risen from his gut, snaking its way up his throat and wrapped itself around his neck. Everytime he tried to take in a breath, the snake tightened its grip. He tried to turn on his phone, even if it did only have 1%, but his hands were trembling. The storm had begun and was sending lightning to his fingertips. He could hear the thunder bounce off every inch off wall in his head and his fingers tried to loosen the snake around his neck but he wasn’t strong enough.

 

He wasn’t sure if he thumping he heard was coming from his chest or if someone had finally come home. No one had ever seen him in this state but at this point he didn’t care. Because he couldn’t breathe and his lungs were filling with not air but what felt like water and he was drowning in a fear he’d created himself. His ears were buzzing and he could hear someone call his name but he didn’t know what was real and what was in his head. But he had to take a chance.

“Junnie?” He wasn’t even sure if he’d gotten the words out. He must have sounded pathetic but his mind was in the middle of battling a thunderstorm and he didn’t think he was going to last. Maybe if he just gave in and stopped fighting it would pass.

“Wrong.” The voice cut through the darkness and for a split second Jeno could see a ray of light through the clouds. For a split second he felt someone try to pry the snake from around his neck. For a split second his ears heard a melody as smooth as honey.

“Hyuckie?” Jeno knew it wasn’t Hyuck. He knew it was Junnie either. He _knew_. Yet he couldn’t admit it. Didn’t want to.

“Guess again.” The voice grew closer and the clouds in his head were clearing but not enough. He still couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see. But his throat was feeling a little better, it was as if that voice was like medicine, like Jeno was being fed a spoonful of honey.

“Nana…”

“Jeno…”

 

~~ mEaNwHiLe In ThE pRaCtIcE rOoM ~~

 

“I can’t believe you called Jaemin.” Mark was sitting on a seat with his legs on either side of the backrest.

“That was Hyuck’s idea.” Renjun collapsed onto the ground.

“I said get them together not traumatise Jeno.” Hyuck collapsed beside him and they looked at each other. They both felt accomplished.

“Do you think the elevator thing was a bitch much though?” Mark still wasn’t too sure about what was going on but if it meant fixing whatever was going on between Jaemin and Jeno he was all for it.

“Technically it wasn’t us.” Renjun sat up and began stretching.

“I can’t believe we convinced ChenSung to pull a prank.” Hyuck didn’t bother stretching. He wanted to go home and pass out.

“ChenSung?” Mark looked at Renjun and Hyuck, confused.

“Seriously Mark.” Renjun shook his head.

“As the Canadian one you’d think you’ve been through all the comments and ships already.” Hyuck looked at Mark in disbelief.

“I have a life.”

“Yeah sure _debut king_.” Hyuck rolled his eyes and Renjun laughed.

“Whatever. I want to shower, and eat.” Mark stood up and Renjun leaped in front of the door.

“We can’t go home yet. I’ll bring you food, eat in here.” Renjun disappeared out of the room.

“What?”

“I swear to fuck. You’re so stupid.” Hyuck tried to touch his toes and he felt something in his spine snap.

“WHAT?” Mark looked so lost that Hyuck couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“They need time alone you idiot.” Hyuck clarified just in case Mark forgot. “Jeno and Nana.”

“Oh...then what about Jisung and Chenle?”

“They’re at a convenience store.” Hyuck spread his legs and attempted to touch the floor but he snapped something in his back for the second time.

“What the fuck? How?” Mark sat down between Hyuck’s legs.

“Did you forget Chenle’s rich or?” Hyuck wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist.

“Whatever.”

 

Mark was still in Hyuck’s lap when the lights turned off.

“Well fuck.” They both spoke at the same time, in different languages.

“I love when you swear in english.” Hyuck kissed Mark’s neck making him squeal just as the door opened.

“I heard that and I’m gonna say I’m glad it’s dark.” Renjun threw them a plastic bag full of food. “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to figure out what the fuck is going on before Jeno actually dies.”

“He has Nana tho-” Mark was cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut. “I think we traumatised him.”

“Mmm.” Hyuck kissed Mark’s neck again and this time Mark didn’t make a sound but instead reached for the bag of food.

 

~~ back to NOMIN TY ~~

 

Nana seemed to hesitate before pulling Jeno’s head out of the blanket and wrapping him in his arms. It made Jeno forget about the raging storm in his head and the drums in his chest and the snake around his throat. He could feel Nana’s warmth through the blanket. He wanted more, wanted to be engulfed by Nana’s arms, his scent, his voice. Everything.

He didn’t realise that his body was moving until he found himself on top of Jaemin, desperately clinging on to him.

“I can’t breathe.” Nana wriggle beneath him but Jeno didn’t move. He had his ears on Nana’s chest and he could hear his heart. It helped calm him, breathing to the beat of Nana’s heart. He felt a little bad when Nana stopped squirming but he didn’t make an attempt to shove him off so he guessed it was okay? “Hey...don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying what the fuck.” Jeno wanted to sounded mad but his voice just came out small. He touched his cheeks. “Oh.” He hid his face in Nana’s t-shirt. “I am.”

 

Nana didn’t say anything. Instead he bagan rubbing his hand down Jeno’s spine. It always helped him calm down. He didn’t realise his body was shaking until now. He should feel embarrassed, but he was just so happy to have Nana massage his head. His fingers had worked their way into the base of Jeno’s head, playing when his hair at first and then gently kneading his fingers into Jeno’s scalp. Jeno hummed into Nana’s chest and his fingers stopped for a split second before going back to playing with his hair.

“Feeling better.” Nana still had his hand in Jeno’s hair when he pulled his head away. Usually his eyes would adjust to the dark by now but there was absolutely not a single flicker of light and Jeno couldn’t see shit.

“It’s dark.”

“Here.” Nana picked his phone out of his pocket and put the flashlight on before leaving it facing up beside them. “It’s going to die soon but SM usually fixes these things quick.”

“Yeah.”

It’s not that Jeno didn’t want to speak, it had just been a while since he’d seen Nana’s face so up close. Nana looked him right back in the eyes before his gaze trailed down to Jeno’s lips.

“Don’t do that.”

“What?” Nana looked taken aback. Jeno sat up with his hands in his lip.

“Don’t stare at my lips it-..” Jeno bit down on his tongue. _Fuck_ , he sounded so stupid. Stupid and jealous.

“Oh.” Nana sat up and faced him. “Does...does it make you uncomfortable?” Nana was searching Jeno’s face for an answer but he looked away and Nana panicked. “I mean I do that to everyone like Renjun-”

“I know.” Jeno whispered.

“And even Chenle sometimes because you guys all have such big so-”

“I KNOW.”

“Oh…” Nana didn’t look away from Jeno. “Then why do you hate it.”

“Because.” Jeno snapped his head back at Jeno.

“Because?” Nana was scared of the answer.

“Because,” Jeno leant forward, bringing his face closer to Nana’s. “It makes me want to kiss you.”

“Oh.” Nana’s jaw hit the floor but Jeno didn’t move back. Renjun was going to be so proud because Jeno could feel a word vomit coming and he didn’t even want to stop it.

“So don’t pull this shit with anyone else. It makes me mad.” Jeno moved closer to Nana, close enough that his hand was over his. “Jealous.” Jeno entwined their fingers. “You’re special to me.”

“Oh.”

“Really? That’s all I get?” Jeno was about to move back when Nana snapped.

“What the fuck do you want me to say? I left for like one year and come back to you practically hanging off Renjun. And everytime I even try to be like before you fucking run and get all shy and pull the damn bro card like? What the fuck?” Nana tightened his grip on Jeno’s hand. “And you expect me to believe the I’m special to you bullshit?”

 

Jeno blinked for a couple of seconds. He couldn’t believe what he just heard.

“Me?” Jeno laughed, like really laughed. “You fucking disappeared Nana.” He was laughing but his chest felt heavy. “You disappeared without even saying goodbye...I had no one. I was alone, in the dark, literally.” He wanted to punch Nana. “You left me…” He looked up at Nana. “Why did you leave me?”

It was Nana’s turn to blink.

“I-...how do you think I felt?” Nana’s voice cracked and Jeno’s felt his chest tighten again. “We promised we’d be in this together but I- I fucked it up.” Nana had tears streaming out of his eyes and Jeno stared. He’d never seen Nana cry like this. “The _first_ thing they teach you to look after your body and I couldn’t even do that Jeno I couldn’t even-” Nana pulled his hands away and covered his eyes. “Dream deserves better. You deserve better.”

 

Jeno didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t the best with words. So he pulled Nana into his and he felt his tears on his shoulder.

“Nana…” Jeno rubbed his back. “Say stupid shit like that again and me, and all the Dreamies, will beat the shit out of you.” He felt Nana giggle through his tears. “We’re a team dumbass. And no one can replace you.” Jeno pulled away and tipped Nana’s face upward with his thumb so that their eyes met. “Not in Dream...and not in my heart.”

 

“That was some gay shit.” Nana smiled and Jeno’s heart skipped a beat. He still had Nana’s face in his hands.

“Shut.” Jeno locked eyes with Nana before his eyes, for the millionth time, travelled down to his lips. “I told you not to do that or-”

“Yeah yeah you’ll kiss me.” Nana rolled his eyes and, as if to prove a point, went back to staring at Jeno’s lips.

“You don’t believe me.” Jeno felt a little offended. The only reason he’d never really made a proper move before because well, firstly, he didn’t know how Nana felt, and secondly, the cameras were always rolling. Nothing was stopping him anymore.

“You are the literal definition of panicked gay _and_ you-” Nana was mid-sentence when Jeno smashed his lips against Nana’s.

 

Jeno was surprised by how soft Nana’s lips were. He always knew they were soft with it was like Jeno was kissing a flower petal or a cloud. And he tasted kind of sweet, like toffee, which was weird because Nana was always eating spicy food.

“Wow.” Nana’s eyes were still closed when Jeno pulled away.

“You’re so cute.”

“What the fuck.” Nana peeked through one eye. “Where did this confidence come from.”

“I want to kiss you again.” Jeno leant back towards Nana and he leaned all the way back.

“ _Excuse me_. Can you wait for my heart to recover.” Nana laughed nervously and bit his lip.

“Fuck.” Jeno leaned forward again.

“What the fuck Jeno.” Nana was about to push Jeno away when he cupped Nana’s face with one hand while the other rested in the small of Nana’s back. Before they knew it they stumbled backward onto the ground. “Shit.”

“If- if you don’t want me to all you have to do is say no.” Jeno had his hands on either side of Nana’s head. Nana didn’t say anything and Jeno smirked.

“Oh my god.” Nana could barely get the word out as Jeno kissed him again. It was rougher this time. Nana closed his eyes and so did Jeno. Jeno had managed to open Nana’s mouth and taste him again when the lights flickered on and someone screamed from the entrance of the living room.

 

Jeno jumped up so fast Nana didn’t even have time to process what was happening till he’d scrambled out of the room. He looked up at Renjun whose mouth was catching flies. Hyuck and Mark looked equally as surprised behind him.

“I mean I’m happy but also like what.” Renjun ruffled his hair and Nana propped himself up on one elbow.

“Jeno is not a bottom folks. I repeat Jeno is not a bottom.” Hyuck was laughing as he made his way to the kitchen and Mark was visibly traumatised.

“Can confirm.” Nana stood up and picked Jeno’s blanket off the floor. “He is _not_ a bottom.” He was muttering him to himself as he walked towards Jeno’s bedroom door and he was almost sure Renjun heard what he had just said.

“As the asexual mum, I’m forced to give you the _Jeno is still underage and please not in the dorm_ speech.” Renjun pat Nana on the shoulder. “But as a friend...I’m telling Doyoung hyung to get you protection-.”

“WE ARE NOT LIKE THAT.” Jeno popped his head out the door and Nana burst into laughter.

“Trust me, if you have to worry about anyone its Jeno not me.” Nana winked at Jeno and he retreated back into his bedroom.

“For some odd reason I actually believe you.” Renjun pushed Nana toward the door, “Now please tell him you love him and keep the making out to a minimum thanks.”

“The first part sure, the second part is solely dependent on Jeno.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Happy Birthday Nana!” All the nctzens screamed one last time as NCT left for the bus. It had been a long and exhausting day but being able to celebrate his birthday with their fans had been the best present he could ask for. Nana collapsed into a seat in the back with Jeno. Jeno had his arms around Nana.

“Happy birthday babe.” Jeno whispered into Nana’s ears and he felt his face flush.

“Ah, young love.” Johnny sighed at the two of them before going back to poking Ten’s cheeks. Ten retaliated by biting his fingers making Johnny let out a stream of profanities. Doyoung slapped Johnny on the back of his head.

“There are _children_!” Doyoung passed JohnTen, YuWin and Renjun before finally making it to Nana and Jeno.

“Yuta...he’s actually doing it.” Winwin’s head popped up from the seat in front and Nana raised an eyebrow. Yuta just grinned.

“Don’t embarrass them Sicheng.” Yuta grabbed Winwin’s head and made them face the front. Nana had a bad feeling about this.

 

“So, because all the other hyungs are too embarrassed and idiotic to do this task, it’s my job. And also because Jeno is my adoptive son I am forced to condone safe sex.”

“What?” Jeno, who was quietly drinking a chocolate milk popper, began not so quietly choking.

“Wow he didn’t even censor himself.” Yuta and Winwin were cackling and Nana swore so was Renjun.

“We don’t even-” Jeno was recovering when Doyoung cut him off.

“Lee Je No, you are my Dream bias but we all know you’re thirsty as fuck for Jaemin.” Doyoung crossed his arms before leaning towards Nana. “So, as your birthday present, I give you…these.” Doyoung grabbed Nana’s hands and placed his present, or presents (plural), between his palms. “Don’t be silly and protect your willy.”

“Oh my god.” Jeno grabbed the little square packets out of Nana’s hands and Doyoung fled for his life to the front of the bus. “ _Oh my god_.”

“Yup.” Nana pocketed two. “That just happened.”

“Oh yeah.” Yuta and Winwin’s heads popped up from in front of them again.

“If Jeno is anything like Yuta you’re going to need this.” Winwin threw a little bottle into Nana’s lap before disappearing again.

 

“Why does everyone assume I’m the bottom.” Nana hissed under his breath and Jeno’s face changed. He smirked before bringing his lips to Nana’s ear.

“They’re not wrong.” He nibbled and Nana melted.

“This is going to be a long night.”

“Don’t you know it.” Jeno wrapped his arms around Nana and smushed their cheeks together. “Nana?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you like my present?” Jeno may be the one who kissed Nana first but he was still a small bean of insecurities.

“Waking up to breakfast in bed from my boyfriend the chef who also took me to visit my family and bought me tickets to Lotte World? Of course I loved it.” Nana smiled and kissed Jeno’s hand.

“Nana?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” Jeno had Nana’s head nuzzled in his chest.

“I love you too.”

“Nana?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m never going to leave you.” Jeno kissed the top of Nana’s head and he felt his heart skip a beat. That boy never failed to make Nana melt.

“I’m never going to leave either.”

“Nana?”

“I swear to god Jeno.” Nana snapped his head up at Jeno only to find him giggling at him.

“I love you.” Jeno picked Nana quickly, once on the cheek and once on the lips. Nana melted for the third time today.

With cheeks as pink as Winwin’s hair during the firetruck era, he kissed Jeno on the cheek. “I love you too.”

“Who’s a panicked gay now?” Jeno laughed.

“Shut.”

**Author's Note:**

> LISTEN UP U BUNCH OF GRASS
> 
> I am not sexualising them towards the end but I can just imagine the hyungs teasing the fuck out of them bc that's just how they are okay AKJDFNV;OAEFV;ADFE MVA.DFJN SO DONT COME FOR ME  
> iM sCaReD 
> 
> follow me on twt @/petnct


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